so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
