I haven't been this sober since birth.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
