When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
