..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
