Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
