But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
