he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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