How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
