Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
