i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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