I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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