I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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