you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
