I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
