We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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