I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Alive.
So much puke
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
