ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
