She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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