i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Your cock deserves a montage
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
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