Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
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