I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
