We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
