I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Randomize
