You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
