"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
