He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
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