I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
