I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I cut my penus on the lid.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
Randomize
