just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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