You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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