I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
