sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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