I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
