you told grandpa to call you daddy
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Randomize
