Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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