her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
