I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
