is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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