If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Randomize
