tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Green mimosas i think yes
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
