...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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