My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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