Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
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