I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
