There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
