Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
