drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
Randomize
