She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
