i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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