porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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