Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
People with herpes should wear stickers.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
